Integrating And Transcending the Introversion / Extroversion Dichotomy: A Series

Well, that title certainly looks all fancy like. But let me take out all the fancy terms and put down the bare bones behind the idea for this "series": I'm going to examine the dichotomy between the two main types of social interactors, namely introverts and extroverts, and hopefully come up with a way to get rid of the line between them.

That sounds really, really dry. But the general idea behind it is rather down to earth. If any of you remember, I said that one of my two New Year's Resolutions was to hang out with my friends more. Well, I'm going to expand it to developing a greater capacity to interact with other people. Why? Well, that's what the rest of this introduction will be about.

I suppose if I had to choose between either the introvert or the extrovert label, I would have to choose the former. You could say I'm a self-proclaimed introvert, though I'm sure that is how most people would describe me as well. For as long as I can remember, I've always been more interested in myself than others, for numerous reasons. As a really young kid, ie before grade school, I could entertain myself for hours on end with just myself, some action figures, and an overactive imagination. As I entered grade school, I continued on that same general trend. Anyone who went to Hilltop can remember me on the playground. Let's just say I wasn't the most active of my peers. I was more prone to standing out in front of the classroom door, lunch box in hand than to running around playing tag.

The rest, as they say, is history. Let's just say that the introversion continued, and continues to this day. It has improved, though. I would say that my first few years of high school allowed me to discover the real thrill of getting to know other people. Suddenly, my purely introverted tendencies took a 180 degree turn. Extroversion was fun. But only in small doses.

And that's where I stand today. So, why do I want to look at this dichotomy? Why do I want to resolve it? For a number of reasons.

1. I've realized the severe limitations of introversion. Not only on your social life, but on every other aspect of life as well. Think of my node analogy. If you're introverted, you shut down AT LEAST 50% of those nodes before you can even reach them.
2. One of my big goals in life is to help the world. The only catch is, to help the world, I'm theoretically going to have to be able to talk to / interact with other people. It's a little strange that I love humanity but have trouble with humans.
3. College is coming up. That means a whole new environment with completely new people. And college isn't kindergarten. It's not okay to just sit on your stool, hoping that the extroverted kid in class will come and play with you. College is in the world of adults, and must be treated as such. Plus, it's a chance for the whole "new me" phenomena.
   
4. Trying to solve this dichotomy should be fun. Personally, I always enjoy a good challenge, and tearing down a wall that holds me back always feels great. This is a definite shadow on my person, a weird little quirk of my "personality" that is worth examining. And any type of personal growth is a goal worth striving towards.
   
5. There are probably at least another half dozen reasons, but some of them get personal (at least more personal than I'm willing to post on here), and others are really boring. So, I'll leave you with those.
   

There are the reasons for this post. I really hope to continue this "series" (not like all my other ones that died after the first post). I don't know how often I'll post on this, but with my new schedule idea, maybe I'll actually get stuff done instead of wasting "killing" time staring at a blank wall.

Stay tuned, if you'd like. If not, I'll continue with my normal postings as well.

This should be an interesting journey.

Namaste.

In Defense of Schedules

I've found myself over the years (and by years, I mean the past 4) oscillating between using schedules and not using them. Take for example my Freshman year: that was the first year I ever encountered "self-help" texts, and I became fascinated with the idea of time management. I attempted, futilly, to account for every second of my day, to manage life to the microscale. That, admittedly, became tiring and fell to the wayside.

Sophomore year, no real scheduling of interest. I continued with a more of a "go with the flow" sort of idea, just doing things as they came up. Junior year, with my first real introduction to "mysticism" and more spiritual elements, I decided that schedules (as well as goals, plans, etc.) must be inherently evil. They required me to forget the "now" in favor of the "future." And since the future is an illusion and the now is all there is, such scheduling must be evil.

Comes Senior year. I've realized, as you could probably guess through other posts, that such an approach, such a radical abandon of scheduling, goals, etc., does not have a positive affect. Unless you consider a feeling of intense apathy and unease to be positive. So, I've come to the conclusion that yes, maybe schedules do have their place. At least, if they can get me out of this quagmire of uselessness that I've fallen into.

I'm not proposing scheduling in the way I first encountered it, some sort of super map that counts my seconds off for me and almost runs my life. Rather, I'm advocating a more fluid, dynamic schedule. I'm going for planned periods each day, at a certain time, to do something. And if something important -- truly important, not a lame ass excuse important -- should come up, I can ignore the schedule. The schedule is there to serve me, not the other way around.

On a slight non sequitur, looking at the world, I find that most "spiritual" people follow this path anyway. You won't find any monastery, Buddhist, Christian, or otherwise, where the monks don't rise with the sun, meditate at certain times, and go to bed with the sunset. Even these most spiritual of men follow a "schedule" of sorts.

So there I have it. This is yet another example of settling the paradox of the relative vs. the absolute and the fact that they're not-two. I really should write about this idea sometime, since I base a great number of decisions on it. You can find the jist of the idea in The Two Truths Doctrine or from a really ancient blog post of mine. Those should give you some idea of what I'm talking about until I write something more substantial.

Well, I'm off to schedulize. Or maybe go to bed. Yeah, that second one.

Namaste.

PAP Satire

If you can't read the cartoon now, just click on it and a larger version should pop up.

Enjoy.

Skill without imagination is craftsmanship and gives us many useful objects such as wickerwork picnic baskets. Imagination without skill gives us modern art.

Tom Stoppard, "Artist Descending a Staircase"

The Node Not Taken: A Thought Experiment

Please pardon the corny title. The pun just popped into my head, and I couldn't pass up the oppurtunity.

Anyway, let me begin. For the past week or so, I've been juggling around this idea of choice. Let's ignore the quagmire of free will vs. predestination for right now and assume that everyone has free will. If everyone has a free will, then every choice one person makes affects their life and everyone elses life in turn.

Then, take this idea of a single choice, and blow it up to include every choice ever made by that person. Then you have something like the web above. Every single choice a person makes is like a node on that web. And if you had all the nodes (ie choices) that a person makes, you could literally know everything about them; past, present, and future. You'd have a sort of Karmic Map.

And now, let's look at that Karmic Map for you or I, right here, right now. Imagine a giant blinking yellow arrow with the words "You are HERE" printed on it in black. You know, like the ones at a mall. Now, this arrow is pointing at a single node. But if you go left of that node, or in other words back in time, you'll find a near infinite number of choices that lead to this instant, this node. Even if you just examine the choices of ONE person, the web gets infinitely complex going backwards. If you add another person, two other people, or even every other person in existence, the web gets n-fold times more complex to the point that it'll just make your head go, "Ouch."

But if that part is complex, wait until we add one more dimension to the web. So far we have a single node at the HERE mark, and a web going backwards infinitely (or finitely, depending on the circumstances). Now imagine a node at every point along that web. At each of those nodes, you made a decision that led you to where you are today. But at the same time, at EACH OF THOSE NODES, there was the chance for a different web, a different branching off. Each node along the web also had the potential for a completely different path. But since you made a choice at each node, that node "collapsed," in the quantum sense, into the single path that you ended up taking. But before that decision, before you chose what path to take, a near infinite number of possibilities rested there.

Now, let's return to the present. You can see how complicated the past is. With all the things that happened, didn't happen, and could have happened contributing to the map, it gets quite complex. But at this present moment, at the Node of Now, there are those same infinite number of possibilities branching out. At this moment, right here, right now, the future could follow any number of an infinite number of paths with an infinite number of nodes. And until you make a choice causing all the other possibilities to collapse, they are all still there.

But lets take a more down to earth, personal example. Take college. For me, personally, I am at a college choosing node. Although this node, too, has an infinite number of paths leading from it, the only two that I will focus on right now are the most obvious and most probable ones that lead to Ursinus and to Villanova. Each of those paths had nodes that lead to a growth of two completely different webs. Two completely different lives. In a very literal sense, where I choose to go to college will determine the rest of my life. It will determine if I take the U or the V path. And either one I choose, I can never know what the other might have held.

A choice as simple as going to Ursinus or Villanova holds THAT MUCH POTENTIAL. Because as soon as I choose one or the other, the opposite path collapses into itself, permanently destroyed. Every choose along your life is like that. Whether it's the choice of college, which decides your life circumstances for the next 4 years, or the choice of going to that silly little party, which may very well determine your future life partner. Whether it's the choice of walking to school, where you're hit by a car, or taking the bus, where you arrive on time, perfectly intact. Every single choice along the path creates a new node and there's no way to know where they will lead.

I don't mean to propose a life paralyzed by choice, dictated by "what ifs." Rather, I propose the contemplation of the fact that every choice does matter and that often, NOT choosing is a choice unto itself. Sitting in a chair, ruminating on the future is a choice. A choice that leads down a path of non-participation and uselessness. Such a path, though guided by this though experiment, is far worse than a life completely ignorant of it.

I mean this thought experiment as more of an ode to the true beauty of reality. If this thought experiment proves true, then every second of every day contains limitless possibilty. The idea that life is linear could not be further from the truth. It may seem that way with a quick glimpse back, but that glimpse is an illusion.

This idea has can easily change ones view of life. Look at a baby, for example. What do you see? A small child? Is that all? I see all the future possibilies stemming out from that child. It can literally be ANYTHING and there's no way of knowing what it will become without letting the child grow. Just as an expecting mother is literally PREGNANT with POSSIBILITY, every moment, every person, every choice, is pregnant with their own infinite possibility.

And humbled by this fact, all that a person can do is choose wisely along this path known as life.

Or once again not choice, which is a choice unto itself.

Here's to a conscious, compassionate life.

Namaste.

T Shirt... Sorta

Wow, well, the t-shirt turned out less well than I would have liked. But this one is a prototype. As Edison said about the thousand or so "failures" before he invented the lightbulb, "I didn't fail 1000 times, I just found 1000 ways that do not work."

Now, the one you'll hopefully see on Monday, THAT one will be beautiful. And symetrical. And not brown. :)

In the meantime, I've got a brand new shirt to sleep in. Score!

Personal Development: IE Crack Cocaine for Your Ego

I've been visitting a site hosted by a man by the name of Steve Pavlina for the past three months or so. It's a blog/article based site that contains info on everything from time management to living consciously, nutrition to fitness. Basically, it's a personal development site, or as Steve puts it, "Personal Development for Smart People." You can find the site here.

If you feel so moved, check this site out. It really is awesome. And like I said in the title, it's like crack cocaine for you Ego (the good one, not the crazy, Freudian, sucky one). The site contains so many inspiring articles, I couldn't possibly start to tell you about them. So check them out.

Admittedly, you might look at me and say, "Well, for someone that's read so many inspiring articles, you sure aren't so inspiring!" And that'd be valid criticism. I have yet to achieve the level of, I guess, awareness that this man expouses. But that doesn't mean I'm not trying. And it doesn't mean Steve's information isn't useful.

If you feel like it, just check out Steve's articles. I promise you won't be disappointed.

Namaste.

Dance, Life, and Stuff

Well, I had a great time at the first ever Winter Formal. Though there were fewer people there than at a typical dance, the people present where the type that I'd prefer to have present. Though the music wasn't of the sort of the people present, if you know what I mean. :)

Thanks to everyone that made me dance. I think I danced more last night than I've danced in the past 18 years of my life combined. Admittedly, I still don't get dancing, but Dave assures me it'll come to me eventually. Only time will tell. In the meantime, I'll continue having fun in ways that don't involve shaking and swaying. Though, I have to admit, when I did dance with a whole lot of people that I knew, it was pretty fun.

On another front, I should hopefully have pictures of the "Class of '06" shirts sometime tonight. My printer is being a tad finicky, but I think I'll have the kinks out soon.

I hope everyone is enjoying this beautiful day.

Namaste.

Dear Diary, Mood: Apathetic. My life is spiralling downward...

Well, not really. But if you haven't heard "The Emo Song," you really should check it out. It's funny. It's the type of biting satire that hurts so much because it's so true. That's our generation: the pampered whiny-mcwhine kids that can't make a difference in the world because we're too caught up in being depressed to do anything about it.

But don't despair, I didn't bring up the emo song for no reason! It's a segway to my next topic: namely, the lostness I've been feeling in my own life. Which segways into my next topic: an explanation as to my lack of posting as of late. I don't think I've posted a real, well thought out, original post for over a week.

It's not so much that I'm bored, or tired, or any of those draining emotions (though I am all of them), but more a lack of, I don't know, the will to do anything "important." And the lack of will mainly stems from the lack of a "why" to do things.

The more I think about this post, the more I realize that it's going to turn into a sad, slightly less pitiful version of the emo song. Let's suffice it to say that I'm perfectly happy right now, but I just feel like something is missing. But then again, maybe the (w)hole is supposed to be there. Interesting thought.

This still doesn't count as a thoughtful, real post. Maybe I'll come up with one of those over the weekend.

In the meantime, consider that a peanut is neither a pea nor a nut. Amazing!

Namaste.

"WWIII" by Stuart Davis

There's gonna be a World War Three
one more world war
and I get killed in World War Three
I get killed

Here's how the whole thing starts
religion gets seduced by art
and hearts burst like grenades within
when something whispers "pull the pin"

Right now they're building Ghandhi
they're gonna bomb our ass with love
and bring us to our knees
just using what we're made of

You can't fight what has no form
you just can't fight what has no form
Cuz every time you introspect
you dream up ways you could defect

So close your eyes and plug your ears
and go to battle
but when the whisper comes your world unravels

That's not a normal army
they kiss the enemy
with lips that blow your head off
and set your spirit free

If I only knew
who to surrender to
If I only knew
how to surrender

That's not a normal army
they kiss the enemy
right now they're building Ghandhi
they're gonna bomb our ass with love
and bring us to our knees
just using what we're made of

There's gonna be a World War Three
one more world war

T-Shirts = Fun

Here are some pics of a funny t-shirt I'm planning on making.





Admittedly, this idea wasn't my mine. I won't say whose it was because I don't want to get that person in trouble. But if you were there, you know who it was.

If you don't get it, then you don't go to Chi. If you do get it, score! My apologies to the younger grades, but it's just too funny to pass up on this oppurtunity.

Admittedly, I'm not married to the color scheme or the font. I'm considering doing a maroon adn grey type thing. In other words, I still have some finishing touches to do.

If you have any suggestions for colors or fonts, feel free to tell me.

Namaste.

Biomimicry in the News (Well, kind of)

MIT scientist Isaac Berzin envisions algae, the tiny single-celled plant, transforming the world's energy needs and cutting global warming. Bolted onto smokestacks, the rows of fat clear tube filled with a green algae soup absorb 40% of CO2 and 86% of nitrous oxide emissions. After the CO2 is soaked up like a sponge, the algae is harvested daily and turned into a biodiesel for automobiles.

31 536 000 Seconds

Time must truly be an illusion, a vision sent
From somewhere not-here
Because how else can you explain that
Time creeps along and leaps along
All in the same instant?

31 536 000 seconds in time can mean a lot.
It can mean the start of something new,
Or the end of something old.
It can mean smiles, laughs, and hugs
Or frowns, tears, and punches.

31 million instants. That's
525 600 minutes. Each of those
Precious, each of those memorable.
Each of those necessary, each of those
inevitable.

How could they pass in an instant,
An instant that seems to span an abyss
That could only be crossed in a single pass?

Is it possible it's been that long?
Is it possible life can change that much?

I guess it is.
I guess it must be.

And looking back on that chasm of
31 536 000 seconds, it has.

Congratulations to District 12 Band

Congrats to all to the District 12 band members. And special congratulations to our representatives, Brett and Holly. You guys did awesome!

The entire performance was amazing. Listening to the music, it was hard to believe that came from High School students. It definitely sounded professional. Amazing, amazing job.

And now Brett and Holly can look forward to joining us back here in reality with the Chichester High School Concert Band. :)

I hope everyone enjoys their weekend.

Namaste.

PS - So that's what Russian Christmas Music is supposed to sound like. Go figure. :)

Change the World?

I found an interesting site named Scale The World while searching through my daily e-mails. It seems like a very interesting idea. The general idea around it seems to be to get people to be more happy, more healthy, and more conscious. Why can disagree with that?

One of the key goals of the site seems to be to fight global obesity. I'm guessing that's part of the meaning of "Scale" in Scale the World. I have to admit that is a little offsetting to me. But that most certainly doesn't seem to be the only part of the site. Just a very small portion of a more integral whole.

The only "price" to get involved in a 32 day e-mail program is to refer 3 other people. I have to admit, I didn't refer anyone. The e-mail they offer to send didn't reflect my feelings about the site: it kind of made it seem like I was sending the message because I thought the person was fat, lazy, and depressed. Therefore why I decided to post about the site on here. That way, there's none of the guilt and all the flexibility I could want in talking about.

I hope you at least give the site a look. It seems very promising. And all you have to do is refer 3 other people. Heck, refer all three to yourself, they don't care.

Just thought I'd give everyone a heads up.

Here's to a healthier, happier, more conscious world.

Namaste.

Somewhere along the line, though, we have to stop mistrusting. We have to let go of the suspicion and doubt, which are supposed to protect us but never work, and only end up hurting us even more than what they are supposed to defend us from.

From Rigpa Glimpse of the Day

Yay! Captain Planet!

Captain Planet! No wonder I'm liberal. This stuff is basically brainwashing to the max. But it's sooooo good.

Empathy

Cells That Read Minds:

The human brain has multiple mirror neuron systems that specialize in carrying out and understanding not just the actions of others but their intentions, the social meaning of their behavior and their emotions.

"We are exquisitely social creatures," Dr. Rizzolatti said. "Our survival depends on understanding the actions, intentions and emotions of others."

He continued, "Mirror neurons allow us to grasp the minds of others not through conceptual reasoning but through direct simulation. By feeling, not by thinking."

If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.

-- Marcus Aurelius Antoninus

Nostalgia and Music

Wow, I just had the weirdest feeling a few minutes ago. But first, some background. I've been listening to my iPod on "shuffle" mode a lot recently. Essentially, that means the iPod will just play random songs from my entire collection. This brings up some tracks that I would not normally think to listen to. Anyway, it's pretty cool.

But the weirdest thing happened when I heard the song "Home to Stay" by Josh Groban. I literally felt myself teleported back to 10th grade. My sophomore year, I was really big on Josh Groban, so it's not so much this song as just the artist. In the mornings of sophomore year, I'd get up and either lift weights, run, or do yoga (aka stretch). When I'd stretch, I'd listen to Josh Groban because, well, it was relaxing and nice to listen to. So as I listened to "Home to Stay" this evening, this really weird feeling entered my stomach, and I could almost feel myself back in sophomore year. I mean, it was almost as if I was still there, as if the intervening years hadn't occured. I literally felt like the same person I was then.

I've had this happen before, though never with quite this strong a feeling linked with the song. Like, whenever I hear a Damien Rice song, I think of Governor's School. And certain Stuart Davis songs remind me of, well, nevermind. But it's really amazing the feeling that comes over me. The nostalgia is a weird sick feeling that is at the same time peaceful.

I guess sound is linked to memory just like smell is. But then again, I don't want to just throw this experience away as just more firing of neurons. It was really, really beautiful. Fleeting, weird, and beautiful. More proof of the eternity of Self and the evanescence of self.

Sweet.

Erratum

I have to take back something I said in the What is Our World Coming To? article. I stated in the second sentence that "[a]pparently certain parents in the Chichester Community want to disqualify all Lip Synch performers and return any and all revenue made from said activity." It turns out that there were never any plans of forcing a return of profits. That was a sort of whisper down the lane effect I heard via hearsay. Therefore, I've removed the highlighted part from my previous post, and I officially apologize for this indiscretion on my part. I have no intention of adding unnecessary scandal to this already overblown situation.

Thank you for you time.

If there is an afterlife, it is in the imagination of others.
And resurrection? In the stories that they tell.

From The Pyramids of Malpighi by Steve Gehrke

(Editor's Note: Oops...)

What is Our World Coming To?

I've just been informed of some very interesting information. Apparently certain parents in the Chichester Community want to disqualify all Lip Synch performers.

Now, I know you're thinking, "Why would they want to do that? It must be drugs, or violence, or promiscuous sex!" Well, you're almost right. Here's an excerpt of an e-mail sent by a school board member about the subject:

I have received three phone calls regarding a situation at the high school tonight, involving a parents group allowing very sexually explicit dancing and music to be played during various performances. I spoke to Jim Donnelly about 930pm, who said he was upset at the explicit music and was planning on talking with (Mike Golde) on 1/13 regarding this. He says that the problem is that because its a after school group, there is nothing that can be done... I tend to disagree...because its on SCHOOL PROPERTY...from what i understand, the show was so bad the curtains should have been closed and the show cleaned up or cancelled...

The question could be asked...is it a matter of censoring or decency to stop such performances...

I am no prude, but when these calls involve comments that ask why we allow such "nasty activities" to take place and we are "condoning sexual activity" with the way the music and the dancing meshed together to make it "seem almost like an orgy"...thats where I feel a line must be drawn.

...If we have problems dealing with an issue OFF campus....NOW we should be able to control this one because it happened ON campus with a sanctioned group at the helm of it all





Um, yes sir!

I was at the Lip Synch, and I missed the "sexual orgies." But if they honestly feel that any of the acts were that inappropriate, then by all means, please complain. Bring this topic up at the school board meeting this Tuesday, and debate away. Hopefully all the reasonable, honorable adults will get a chance to exercise their right to speak and defend these acts, which I personally found very entertaining. Not to say that ALL the acts were entertaining. But that's the point of a democracy. Not everything that comes out is going to be top notch. Therefore why we vote and award the top acts.

Personally, I'd be interested in knowing the parents involved in this complaining. I can't think of any that would consider the Lip Synch to be some sort of school condoned sexual orgy. Freedom of expression is one of the prizes of our culture, and if they want to take that away from us, I say we have to put up a fight.

I realize that I'm hyperbolizing, but this honestly does scare me. What sort of parent would be so offended by these types of acts that they'd wish them ALL disqualified? I feel even worse for the children of these parents. We no longer live in the Dark Ages. Freedom of expression, freedom of speech, and freedom of choice are all the norm. Welcome to the 21st century. If you consider yourself part of the moral majority, why don't you first examine your faults, and THEN work your way out to all the "nasty" things you see in the world. Let he who is sinless cast the first stone.

And please, keep your prejudices to yourself.

A Good Laugh

This cartoon is hilarious for so many reasons. See if you can catch them all!

Someone Linked Me?

Wow, I've actually been linked to by someone in Michigan. You can read their post with me in it here. It's in reference to my post about meditation / internal dialogue.

Technology is so sweet. Plus, it just feels weird to know that someone half a country away could be at all interested in what I have to say.

Just goes to show you that it IS a small world, after all.

Biocomputing

I haven't posted on the book Biomimicry in a while, mainly because I haven't had time to read. But now I shall.

The fifth topic in this book is biocomputing. In the field of mimetics, scientists are attempting to find out how nature does the PC. And it turns out that nature doesn't. Silicon computing is so outdated, it's almost funny. And carbon computing is where it's at.

The main point expressed by the author is that carbon computing involves computing in 3D. If you're taking AP Bio, think back to all the talk about enzymes and how they have special shapes to do different jobs. It turns out that nature computes through shape shifting. There are 1s and 0s, ons and offs, but there are also plenty more possibilites where those came from.

This section also covers the placing of consciousness within the brain. Apparently, a major part of "the mind" can be found in the cytoskeleton of neurons. Said cytoskeleton has a protein in it with an electron that bounces back and forth. When someone is put under anesthesia, the protein relaxes from its active confirmation and stops working. And then you lose consciousness. Cool, huh?

This electron, being all electron like, also follows the laws of quantum mechanics. Therefore, it can play around with coherence (something in quantum mechanics that allows for superconductors, etc) and quantum entanglement. This fact may help to explain "paranormal" occurences such as ESP. Because if the electron isn't limitted to only the physical brain it's in (thanks to quantum weirdness), then why not have extrasensory perception? Sweet.

Though, me being the vitalist that I am, I'm a little hesitant to think that consciousness comes directly from matter. I like to think that consciousness is the inside correlate of external matter.

Michael Conrad of Wayne State University in Detroit, a scientist from this section, share a similar sentiment. He feels that we continue to choose flawed metaphors for ourselves, always picking whatever happens to be the pinnacle of man-made technology to describe ourselves. Here's an excerpt about this topic from the book:

We have a habit of making theories about organisms and basing them on the machine of the hour. We used to say that the human body worked like a clock, but that was when the clock was the ultimate machine. There was also a time when we said it worked just like levers and pulleys and hydraulics. Then we said it was like a steam engine, with a distribution of energies. After the Second World War, when we began to devise feedback controls for our factories, we said our body worked like a self-regulating governor or servomechanism. Now, predictably, we're convinced that the body works like a computer. We're using theories from computer science -- theories that come from the machine world -- to explain how the brain works, and that disturbs Conrad.

"We are teaching biology students that our enzymes and neurons are simple swithces, turning on or off. In reality, we're nothing like a computer, nor are we like a clock, a lever, a servomechanism, or a steam engine. We're much more subtle and complex than that.

Amen.

Roargadfkljrd!!!

Well, that little epic poem came about in a burst of inspiration. I just had the realization that apathy kills. Literally.

And so does hesitancy. And so does sloth.

But yet here I am, sitting in my little room, looking at my little screen, interacting in little ways.

Have you ever just wanted to run outside, and just walk. To nowhere in particular, just around. Well, that's how I feel right now. But yet, I'm still here. Partly because I don't want to deal with the cold. Partly because I don't want to deal with the dangers of dark. And partly because I'm too lazy.

I really want to do something. Something related to community service, or to being human. Like a club or something. But God knows I'm not the right person to start a club.

Unless I am.

Just thought I'd share how I think sometimes. I only get this way every once in a while. Really frazzled like. But when I get this way, there's this giant tension knot that needs relieving. And it doesn't want to give.

Peace in every step.

Namaste.

The Three Horsemen of the Apocalypse

The Three Horsemen of the Apocalypse

Humanity won't cease to be
Because of flood, famine, or disease.
No earthquake will deal the fatal blow,
And no hurricane will erode us.
Mother Nature will not play Death
And Father Time will not be the executioner.

In the end, it won't be anything out there that gets us.
No, the Bible has it right.
In that Revelation on page 1000, where
God says the Horsemen of the Apocalypse will
Come and sweep us away.

But God only got it half right. Because
There won't be 6. Or 4. Or 2.
No, there will be 3 horsemen of the end days,
Only 3 dread messengers from Hell.

But once again, Yahweh got it wrong.
It's not famine, disease and death that will
wreak havoc on humanity.
No, it's sloth, apathy, and hesitancy that will
Deal the fatal blow.

When the skies grow dark, it won't be
Any horsemen on the horizon to blame for our demise.
Let's blame Apathy.
He sits atop his sofa, with a beer and some chips.
And as the TV shifts from soap operas to the World News
He quickly loses interest. Instead, he
Quickly turns the channel.
'Who cares about all those goddamn poor fucks!'
He thinks as he guzzles down another beer.
It doesn't matter anyway.

And not too far away, just in the other room,
Sits his brother Sloth.
Sloth is on his bed, just too lazy to get up.
He has plans and dreams and hopes and ambitions,
But God if he won't ever achieve them.
Because he'd much prefer his white walled house
In the decaying suburbs to anything more
Real. Yes, he's ambitious. Ambitious and hopeless.

Atop the roof of that same house sits the oldest of
The three horsemen. Hesitancy looks
Down from the roof, unable to take the leap.
'Take my life,' he thinks, as he approaches the ledge,
'Or just continue on this road of misery?'
From atop the roof, he could lose himself,
Leap into the unknown and find true life.
But he's too fucking scared of what might come after
The Fall.

So there you have it. The end is near.
But there's no need to look out there.
All the ingredients are in place right here.
These three horsemen have countless counsins, and
Each has his own dilemma. But the
Apocalypse is now. And humanity will
fall, not at the hands of Hitler or Stalin,
Satin or Lucifer.
But through the simple actions of
Apathy,
Sloth,
And Hesitancy.

One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life: That word is love. -- Sophocles

Why is It So Hard to Just NOT Think?

As I sat down to meditate last night, everything was going well. When I meditate, the goal is to just count my breaths, from one to ten and back again, and focus only on the breath. I got through the first 5 minutes or so with no problem (I tend to meditate for 10 minutes in the morning right after I get up and in the evening right before I go to bed). It was looking good. Looking to be a "good" meditative session.

But then the second five minutes came. And my mind just kept racing. Zooming from one thought to the next. No break inbetween. Really. Really. Fast.

I kid you not, my head started hurting just from the effort to NOT think. I started to get really fatigued from the effort to focus on my breath. It seems counterintuitive. But just try it for a second. Take a moment, just a minute or so, and just count your breaths. Close your eyes, and do just that.

Now, how long did you go without thinking, "Wait, am I doing this right? This is pretty cool. Hey look, I'm thinking again. Man there are so many more things I could be doing. But doing this is important to. But blah blah blah?" Ten seconds? Thirty? A minute? If you went that long, you're better than me.

It seems so strange. That we spend the great majority of our lives with these little internal dialogues (monologues?) going on inside our heads. Speaking for myself, I know that most moments of every day are spent in this internal talk. "Wow, I have a lot of homework. I'm tired too. But this is so stupid. But today was a good day overall."

Cut it out already.

The internal chatter is the nature of the mind. Not the brain. Not biochemistry. Of the Mind, with a capital "M." Eastern Philosophy calls it the "monkey mind," because it jumps from thought to thought like monkeys through the trees. And it's hard to tame a monkey.

It seems rather felicitous that today's Rigpa message covers this same topic. It compliments this post well.

But then again, this post, that post, it's all just more thinking. More of the monkey mind jumping from branch to fragile branch.

Sometime it has to get Grounded. Will today be the day?

The Buddhist meditation masters know how flexible and workable the mind is. If we train it, anything is possible. In fact, we are already perfectly trained by and for samsara, trained to get jealous, trained to grasp, trained to be anxious and sad and desperate and greedy, trained to react angrily to whatever provokes us. In fact, we are trained to such an extent that these negative emotions rise spontaneously, without our even trying to generate them.

So everything is a question of training and the power of habit. Devote the mind to confusion and we know only too well, if we’re honest, that it will become a dark master of confusion, adept in its addictions, subtle and perversely supple in its slaveries. Devote it in meditation to the task of freeing itself from illusion, and we will find that with time, patience, discipline, and the right training, the mind will begin to unknot itself and know its essential bliss and clarity. -- Rigpa Glimpse of the Day

The Mac Man Cometh!

For all of you non-nerds out there, I have some news might or might not interest you. Today was the start of the Macworld expo. Which meant that tons of Apple made products rose up from the earth and began to roam.

The one I'm really excited about is the MacBook Pro. Though, come on man, PowerBook just sounds better. Anyway, I'm looking forward to this sexy beast being my computer for the next 4+ years. Delicious.

Apple is the best company ever. If you're not using an Apple, well, then, you CRAZY!

Or maybe loving Apple is just not your thing. I guess it's all just part of the non-conformist in me. Because, always remember:

117 Essays, WTF!

I found this while parusing my mail. The idea is to ask 117 professionals what they believe their most dangerous idea is. And then see what comes of it. You know, the sort of question that led Copernicus to say that the Earth isn't in the center of the solar system, or lead Darwin to propose that nature evolves through natural selection. That sort of question.

You'll have to scroll a ways down before you come to the ideas. The first one is "Science may be 'running out of control'."

I have to admit, I haven't had a chance to read through many of them yet. But the ones I have are good. I figure if I tackle one a day, and then actually mull over it, I'll be doing my brain, and my consciousness, a favor.

That's all for now. Have a wonderful evening and a pleasant tomorrow.

Christianity

Well, I don't often post on Christianity. Namely because the only version of it I tend to see is the hooting, hollering, evangelical, Fundie sort (I'm going to coin that term, fundie. You just wait, in a year, everyone will be using it!). But I came across an interesting, non-crazy Christian lately. Not that most Christians are crazy. Just that the most vocal sort tend to be. And it gives the rest of us a bad name.

The man calls himself the "Real Live Preacher", and his blog is here. I first found him in an article from Salon about the show The Book of Daniel. I had wanted to post something about this show, but I figure if you just read the Real Live Preacher's view, you'll mostly understand mine. The way I see it, it's like Desperate Housewives, with Jesus. Not that there's anything wrong with Desperate Housewives, it's just not my type of show.

Finally, I really liked one of his posts here. I would, once again, make my own post on this topic, but why reinvent the wheel? He speaks very eloquently on the idea of cause and effect, in this case in relation to childbirth. It reminds me of The Butterfly Effect. Damn, that was one profound movie. I think I may just watch it again. I remember, when I first saw it, thinking, "Damn, this movie has a lot to it." Everyone I watched it with agreed. But then a few days later, I just fell back into my normal, dormant stuppor of non-awareness. To be awake, and to be alive!

I think I've reached my quota of speaking on Christianity and pop culture for the day. Both are really truly beautiful, when left unabused by the mentally deranged. Otherwise, they can get quite ugly. Quite ugly indeed. But that's not their fault.

Aquatic Apes, Eh? Sounds like a Video Game!

I came across an interesting theory known as the Aquatic Ape Theory (or AAT for short). It basically says that humans originally came from ancestors that spent a majority of their time in water. For a full explanation, see a Wikipedia article here.

Why am I posting on this? (a) Because I find wacked out, alternative theories like this interesting to think about and (b) I find it interesting humans are one of the few types of land mammals that are capable of consciously controlling their breathing.

Go figure, controlling my breathing is something I take for granted. And my dog can't do it. Amazing. Must be why dogs don't meditate. :)

Of course, take this theory with a grain of salt. If anything, it's worth a chuckle. Plus, it's damn creative. I know I wouldn't have thought of it.

Namaste.

Interesting Thought

Are my words, thoughts, actions, etc., an improvement on nothing? - John E. Schwiebert

Congrats to District 12 Orchestra

Congrats to the District 12 Orchestra on an awesometastic performance. And a special congratulations to Brett on making and doing a great job at District Orchestra. That timpani in the second song was crazy awesome good, by the way.

The concert was excellent. Although everyone knows I don't much dig orchestra music, I enjoyed myself immensely. And major props to all the musicians for being able to play through an hours worth of music without any breaks at all. That takes skill.

I hope everyone enjoys their weekend.

Namaste.

Deep down I knew perfectly well that it doesn't much matter whether you die at thirty or at seventy, since in either case other men and women will naturally go on living -- and for thousands of years. In fact, nothing could be clearer. Whether it was now or twenty years from now, I would still be the one dying. At that point, what would disturb my train of thought was the terrifying leap I would feel my heart take at the idea of having twenty more years of life ahead of me. But I simply had to stifle it by imagining what I'd be thinking in twenty years when it would all come down to the same thing anyway. Since we're all going to die, it's obvious that when and how don't matter. -- The Stranger

Me, Myself and I (Part II) - Who Am I?

Well, I made this post about 2 months ago, with the intention of expanding on it. At a later date. Not necessarily THIS much of a later date. But better late than never.

To pick up where we left off, let's ask a simple question. Who am I? Simple, right? I'm David Darmon, you're (insert your name here).

Unfortunately, like a pointillist painting, when you look at this question closer, you find that finer and finer details are present. Let's start from a distance (the intuitive explanation) and move closer and closer (to the more true, less intuitive explanation).

For me personally, like I said, when I think of who "I" am, the first thing that comes to mind is "David." The first thought that comes to mind is my name. And then I just sort of assume that the name covers everything. It covers my "soul" (if you'd like to indulge in that idea), my thoughts, my emotions, my body. Even looking at that explanation, it becomes clear that I'm dividing myself into several different realms: soul, mind, emotions, and body. Therefore, this apparent unity that originally existed in the name "David" quickly dissolves into its constituent parts.

Now I can take each of those parts and pull THEM apart. Let's begin with the gross (that's the physical and emotional parts of "me"). "I," my physical body, am made up of several organs, which are made up of several types of tissue, which are made up of several (some 75 trillion) cells. Therefore, good luck at finding "me" in there anywhere. If you can find the one cell that has "me" in it, I'll give you a billion dollars. Though I guess part of the trick is that each cell is "me," like a hologram: the part containing the whole. But that's a post for a different day.

Now, for the positivists out there, I'm next going to be told that my self-sense may be found in my brain from electrochemical interactions. Which takes us to the subtle (the mental part of "me"). When I think of myself, I think about the knowledge I've learned, the memories I've earned, and the thoughts I have. I mean, if they're not "me," then what is? Unfortunately, even this part of me can be broken up. I'll give two methods: one, Buddhist Philosophy; and two, modern meme theory.

Buddhist philosophy has five "Skandhas" which literally translate to something like "conditions of individuality." They are, in an order similar to the way we've been exploring "me": form, feeling, perception, intentionality, and consciouness. Form we covered in the "gross" paragraph. Feeling, that's the 5 senses, to which the Buddhists add one more, mind. Perception is the fusion of feeling with opinion ("that looks hott" or "this tastes like bad"). Intentionality is what I want ("I intend to eat healthier, hang out with my friends more, etc."). Finally, consciousness is the space in which all of the other 4 arise. Therefore, tadda, this thing I thought was some overarching unifier, this "mind," is really made up of at least 5 parts. And "I" can't be found in any one of them.

And then there's the scientific, memetic theory. It basically revolves around the idea of "memes," the thought analogue to genes. Memes can range from the simple thought of "Man, I sure am hungry" to more complex worldviews (traditionalist, rationalist, etc) called Value Memes (or vMemes). Therefore, the "mind," to a memeticist, is just a conglomeration of all of these memes. And the even more shocking revelation is that there's a "self" meme. A meme that says, "I'm the self. I'm 'David'." But it's no more "me" than any of the other memes. It just shouts louder.

Therefore, we're left without a single physical part to call "me," and we're left with thoughts without a thinker. Oh dear. As I found, all these characteristics of "me" that I formally thought were "solid" turned out to be very much fluid. My entire "self" in fact, is a shifting, ever changing pattern. For example, one second I may be really, really happy, and the next, after some silly little thing, I might be completely depressed. Therefore, I am not the happiness, and I'm not the depression. One second I may have a really healthy body, but the next I might be stricken with a cold that debilitates me and forces my body to change. Therefore, I am not this body or that body.

Who am "I" then? We haven't touched on the next level on this hierarchy of being, namely soul and then spirit. And perhaps that's where "I" am found. Or perhaps that's where I find out that "I" don't exist. At least, not in the way that I believe. Maybe a radical death and rebirth has to happen, to a larger, more inclusive me?

I think these lyrics sum it up:

It was easy when I thought
I had to go somewhere to find You
Now I learn
I must attend to my own funeral
So You may look through these eyes
And draw breath through this nose
And reach with these fingers
And pulse with this heart
Who am I
To keep you from your house? - "Your House" by Stuart Davis

What's this song mean? It means that "I" am not "David." Yes, there is a "David," as I said in the previous post, a "useful illusion" David. But "I", the one typing these words, am not he. I am the consciouness that has been around since before the Big Bang. I am the one reading these words from your seat. I am the one in every person on this planet. I am the absolute. I am your Original Face. Some call me God. Others call me the Mystery. It doesn't matter what you call me. I am that.

And perhaps that answers the koan, "Who am I?" At least, that's the answer I've found most fulfilling and most compelling.

So remember, the self, "you," are a useful illusion. But also remember:

Why are you unhappy?
Because 99.9% of everything you think,
And everything you do,
Is for your self,
And there isn't one. - Wei Wu Wei, a Taoist Sage

Writer's Note: This didn't turn out quite as well as I'd intended. Like usual, I feel as if I've missed something in the writing, somehow missed the spark of inspiration that originally set this blaze. Whenever I try to explain a beautiful idea, it always comes out flat. But this is the best I have. I might go as far as to expand this into a paper, just for kicks, sometime. So, consider this a rough draft of a more refined work.

Hide & Seek

Since I seem to be turning this blog into some sort of music emporium, just thought I'd share another song I've been listening to a lot as of late. It's called "Hide & Seek" and it's by Imogen Heap.

If you've listened to it already, I'm sure you can see it's amazingness. It's just so otherworldly; so transient; so beautiful. And if you haven't listened to it yet, what are you waiting for?

Namaste

PS - The original is from that list of songs at AudioFile. More specifically, it's here.

It's ah Me, Mario!

Just got a call from my trombone teacher, Mario Tollis. I do love that man. He's such an alive human being. Truly amazing. I'm glad that I decided to go back to lessons with him. Even if I don't do band. Even if it's only for another 8 months. It'll be worth it just to have him as a teacher.

Plus, I've been picking up the trombone as of late, and it's actually quite fun when approached as a hobby rather than as some annoying chore I have to do every day. Maybe playing the guitar has taught me a lesson or two about fun.

Well, school starts tomorrow. And I've still got lots of Hi-Q studying to do. So I'll call it a night.

So long, Winter (Christmas!) Break 2005/2006. You were a good, if slightly non-social, one.

More Embedded Fun

Gotta love having fun with HTML. Well, since I seem to be on a Stuart Davis kick as a of later, here's a free player of Davis songs. It's from his MySpace page. Therefore, I didn't steal it, I'm just spreading it around to more people.

Enjoy the music. From this selection, my personal favorites are "Drown" and "Savoring Samsara.

Wow, only a few more hours left on our last day of break. Impermanence it is.

Namaste.

Good Weird

Greatastic video by Stuart Davis. Just click and play. It should work (assuming you have Quicktime 7).

This song just makes me grin from ear to ear, tap my foot, and feel good. It's a nice, catchy pop tune.

And if you don't like the video (I have to admit, it's a little weird [no pun intended]), then you can just listen / download the song here.

Give the song at least two tries. I didn't like it at first, but the second time it really caught on.

And if you don't like it, well then, um, whatever.

Namaste.

PS - Wow, I could just embed videos in my blog. Then I don't have to direct you away from the page when I want to show them. Go figure. But in case you're interested in the original source, it's from here.

Creativity

Creativity can solve almost any problem. The creative act, the defeat of habit by originality, overcomes everything. -- George Lois

It's a little ironic that this time of year, the deep of winter, is when our society chooses to focus on change. You have fall, when all the trees shed their leaves; spring, when everything blushes with new life; and summer, when everything is literally brimming with light and life. And yet, we choose winter, the darkest of seasons, to celebrate the eternal spirit of change. Strange.

But this is the time of year we celebrate the universal force of change. The force that created the universe. The force that created the Earth. The force that created us. Quite a powerful force.

I like a little quote from Rent. One of the main characters states in a ecstatic epiphany, "Peace isn't the opposite of war. Creation is!" Creation, change. It's all the same. The same driving force.

And if creation and change are the Tao, then one had better learn cope with its waves. It'll make life a whole lot easier. Because you can't stop the waves of life. But you can learn how to surf.

Namaste.

A Time of Change

Happy New Year, everyone.

As you can see, I changed both the layout and the title of my blog. I figured, hey, it's a new year, why not make some changes.

If you're wondering about the name, "Fourth Turning of the Wheel," allow me to explain. In Buddhism, there are Three Turnings of the Dharma Wheel, one for each of the schools of Buddhism (Theravada, Mahayana, and Vajrayana). The Fourth Turning of the Dharma Wheel is the movement of Buddhism into Western society. With each turning, Buddhism changes a little and becomes suited to its new home society. In other words, it evolves.

At the same time, this year is the Fourth Turning of the High School Wheel for all of the seniors. That makes it a time of great challenges, of great change, and of great accomplishments.

For me more specifically, this is the Fourth Turning in my own path. I've devoted each year of High School to a specific aspect of myself. For example, Freshman year was the year of the mind, where I devoured every book I could come across on improving memory, study skills, creativity, etc. Sophomore year was the year of the body, where I changed my diet, bought tons of books on physical fitness, and started a real exercise regime. Junior year was the year of the spirit (amongst other things), where I read books about Buddhism, Hinduism, and mysticism in general. And now it's Senior year, the Fourth Turning of the Wheel, so to speak. And this year's theme has yet to present itself.

But the theme I'm picking, my "New Year's Resolution," so to speak, is two fold: to spend more time with people in general and my friends more specifically, and to be more "aware." These two goals compliment each other, creating a sort of constructive interference: meeting and talking with people more will force me to be aware, and at the same time, being aware will allow me to overcome my habitual tendency to be lethargic in social situations. Voila. And so we have it. The Fourth Turning of the Darmon Wheel.

That's all for now. Feel free to leave any criticisms (like if you were really in love with the old layout and title and you just have to have them back), compliments, or concerns. Oh, and if anyone wants to share their new year's resolutions, that'd be cool.

Enjoy the new year. 2005 is over. 2006 has just begun. Whew. :)

Happy New Year!

And it's officially 2006. Wooh!